BOREDOM
One of the things I see and hear most often from people during this weird time is: I’m bored. Even with those of us with seemingly endless ‘to do’ lists, this phrase can manifest. Myself included. What I’m starting to realize however is that I’m not really bored. I either a) don’t want to look at what’s really going on or b) I’ve misplaced my sense of purpose. I’m not saying I have all the answers – just that these are some thoughts that have helped me – and I thought – maybe they’ll help someone else….
If you have a regular job with a boss, purpose can seem relatively easy. Do the things your boss wants you to get done, then the things you know that you need to do that maybe are just part of the daily routines. Then, go home, spend time with your friends, family and/or pets, do a few things you like or just decompressing with a book or Netflix and go to sleep. Repeat. Even if you don’t have a regular job, but you have a regular gig – performing, creating, writing – there are deadlines to meet, things to show up for – there is an end line and end goal – hence, purpose to your work.
But what happens when that imposed purpose no long exists? Like now, in this – for most of us – very strange COVID19 time? How do you create purpose? How do you self-motivate? How to do move through that list of ‘things I wish I had time to do’ and now you do – but you’re not doing any of them? One thing I’ve learned about purpose is that I need to:
Be CURIOUS.
Seriously. Be curious. Let curiosity be the guide. We spend so much time on creating product (because of course that helps with purpose) but what if you turn the tables and think about the PROCESS AS PRODUCT? What if the sheer act of being curious and getting dirty in the sandbox of process is the motivation that creates purpose? Look at that list. What strikes you as the thing that you are most curious about? Is it learning how to shoot videos? Work with a looping pedal? Play the guitar? The banjo? Learn how to sing? Learn how to bake bread? Grow flowers? Knit? Make 100 origami birds? Learn photography? Really – whatever jumps out at you is where to start. Got it? Great. So now what happens if you follow that. For a lot of us, it leads directly to:
FEAR.
Yup. Every time (at least for me). Fear. That nagging little annoying voice that says: why bother? You’ll never be good at that. You’re just a hack. Why are you even bothering to try? Every other time you’ve tried you’ve simply failed. You suck. You’re not enough. FEAR. FEAR. FEAR.
SCREW FEAR. It’s the most boring thing about us. Seriously. Everyone has fear. So, let’s go back to curiosity. What’s fascinating is what happens when you get CURIOUS about the fear. What’s driving it? Why are you afraid? Why do you think you’ll fail? What person who ever got good at ANYTHING stopped trying? Nobody. What if the end goal is the PROCESS? Not the product. Then where does fear go? In my experience, it disappears – or at the very least, gets pretty darn quiet. And then you can simply do the thing you want to do. And you keep focused on the process of doing the thing. Remaining curious about the next evolution of the process. Want to play the guitar? How do you tune? What notes are the strings? Why are there so many frets? How many C’s can you find? Where are they? Is there a pattern? What about all the other notes? Can you play a bass line on one note? Can you figure out the melody to a simple song? What kinds of strumming patterns are there? How do you hold the guitar so it doesn’t hurt your wrists? How long can you sit there and work on something? Seriously. How long can you maintain curiosity about the process of whatever you’re working on? Ever watched a child play? They can do the SAME THING OVER AND OVER. We’re bored by the 2nd time – but they can KEEP PLAYING. Why? They want to understand the PROCESS. By the 2nd time playing with them, we understand the process and we understand the product – and we’re bored. But they don’t have the knowledge yet, so they keep being curious. So, granted, you have to find something that’s challenging for you that keeps your process/creativity on high alert – but it’s hard wired into all of us to do this. How cool is that?
BUT THAT’S HARD. YUP. IT’S HARD. But it’s way easier than looking back on this time and seeing that you didn’t do anything because that stupid thing called fear got in your way…
Our society is continually only telling – and showing – us that product is the only valuable part of anything. But how do you get to a product without process? And if you never start the process, then how do you ever get to a product? If you stop before you even start, you can end up with a life of regrets – never having done the things that really mattered because you never started the process. We have to get down and get dirty and get in the sandbox of process. Because that’s where the magic is. Seriously. It’s magical. And you’ll probably end up with a product – but you have to make the goal reachable – and then change the goal along the way – always providing ways to stay motivated. Curious. One of my favorite stories about this is what I call “Steve Martin and the Banjo.” Yes. Steve Martin. The comedian. Did you know he’s also a Grammy award winning banjo player? What?!? Yup. At the age of 64. How? Well, the story is that ten years before he won his Grammy, he decided he wanted to play an instrument. He was curious about the banjo. So, he thought: if I practice this instrument for an hour a day for 10 years, I’ll eventually be good at it. That was his goal. Practice one hour a day. Every day. Process. Process. Process. He didn’t think, “I’m gonna win a Grammy.” He thought: If I work on this instrument for an hour a day, I’ll eventually be good at it. And he did. So good in fact that he won a Grammy. Pretty cool, huh?
This isn’t to say that long and lofty goals aren’t also important for helping relieve boredom and manifest curiosity and process. Just that so often, those long shot goals are out of our control – and that if we don’t achieve them – we can feel like failures. So, you have to create long and lofty goals that really aren’t unattainable. A mantra, or mission statement, as you were. Mine, for a long time has been: I will dare greatly to create a life that is filled with love, gratitude and music so that I can help others find their voices through the gifts I share. I have this memorized. It is on a card that sits on my refrigerator where I see it every day. It is what drives me when I am lost. This is broad, sure, but it’s also something that keeps my compass pointing north. As long as I’m doing things that coincide with this mission, I know I’m on the right path. And it keeps me curious. How many ways can I share my gifts? In what mediums am I most curious about pursuing? How am I helping others while still maintaining my own creativity and purpose – putting my mask on first – if you will? (This blog post adheres to my mantra….)
What’s yours? There’s a great book about creating this called “Coaching the Artist Within” by Eric Maisel. Highly recommended.
Which brings us back to the first point about boredom: What’s really going on? What’s really behind the boredom? This is hard. It takes looking at ourselves and sitting with the uncomfortable thoughts that so often surface that we don’t want to face. It could be it circles back to the fear I wrote about above. It could be that we feel that there isn’t a point – why would anyone want to read/watch/listen/eat the things that we want to create. That we don’t like parts of ourselves but don’t know how to change them? I’m totally not an expert on this and I’m not a therapist – but if you’re feeling these kind of thoughts – there are A LOT of people that have written A LOT about this stuff – and there are some really wonderful mental health experts. Seek them out. Ask for help. We ALL need help. It’s taken me almost a decade to get to where I am – able to talk about this openly and authentically – and I’m continuing to unravel the parts of myself that are troubling.
But again, it’s about the PROCESS. Staying curious about what’s going on inside. And how it reflects on the outside. I’m still learning, still reading, still meditating, still seeing my therapist. And every time, I dig a little deeper – and I’m no longer scared to go there. But it took time. It took curiosity. It took patience. And it took forgiveness.
So, maybe start with that. Forgive yourself for all the times you tried and failed.
Then, get CURIOUS.
And just see what happens.
xoxoxo
Kat